Bad Motherfucker Of The Week:Buster Martin

I should begin by noting that, unlike most posts, which are rife with exaggeration and any line of BS that I think might make a given topic funnier, every detail of this edition of BMFOTW is entirely factual.  There's simply nothing that I could add to this story to make it better than it actually is (and believe me, I tried).  So, for today, and today only, I lay my lily-guilding tools aside, and pay tribute to the Bad Motherfucker that is Buster Martin.  Just the facts:

-Last weekend, the 101-year-old Martin completed the London Half-Marathon in just over five hours.

-He would've finished sooner, but for his mid-race ritual of stopping for a pint of beer and a cigarette.  Buster loves running, "but not as much as I love my beer." *

-Martin already holds world records for oldest competitor in a 5K, 10K and half-marathon race, and plans to become the world's oldest marathoner when he runs the London Marathon next month.

-He is the father of 17 children, but laments:  "Pity I didn't have any more kids." *

-Buster sings with a rock band called The Zimmers, whose members' combined ages total over 3000.  The group had a hit single last year, covering The Who's "My Generation".

-He wears the iconic wolfman beard and trucker hat ensemble favored by distance running legends.

God Speed, Buster Martin.  You, sir, are truly a Bad Motherfucker.

Special thanks to Schultzilla for the tip on this one.

*(ABC News)

Bad Motherfucker Of The Week: Capt. Ian Wilkinson (Ret.)

Wilkinson, one of Cathay Pacific Airlines' most senior pilots, was given the honor of flying a brand new Boeing 777 on its maiden voyage from the Boeing plant in Seattle to Hong Kong.  Onboard for the ceremonial trip were various Cathay Pacific VIPs, including the chairman of the airline.  After takeoff, Captain Wilkinson raised the landing gear, banked the $100 million jet back towards the airfield, accelerated to 320 mph and dropped to 28 feet for a fly-by of the control tower.  

Upon landing in Hong Kong, Wilkinson received a champagne reception and was later fired. Following his termination, Wilkinson issued the following statement: "Yeehaw.  Great balls of fire."  He went on to explain that he viewed his dismissal as a blessing, as it will allow him to devote more time to his passion for playing shirtless volleyball with friend Val Kilmer.  Boeing engineers are divided about whether the dangerously low fly-by was the deliberate result of Wilkinson's piloting or caused by the overwhelming weight of his huge balls.

It could have been far worse. We can only imagine the scalding aftermath, had Wilkinson's fly-by taken place in the days before the to-go cup lid:

Bad Motherfucker Of The Week: Uno The Beagle

Uno crushed the Westminster Dog Show on Tuesday night, becoming the first beagle in history to win "Best In Show".   After his victory, Uno retreated to a private after-party at the exclusive Union Square dog run, where the champion partied until the wee hours with the entire toy poodle group and good friend and beagle icon, Snoopy.

"Hey, suit, fill this bitch with toilet water.  I'm drinking 'til I puke tonight."