-First lady mentions that her husband has:
...enabled millions of HIV positive Africans access to retroviral drugs. This is true. He has done that. Ask Bono.
...given 50 million people the chance to "live in freedom" in Iraq and Afghanistan. To paraphrase Mandy Patinkin: You keep using that word, "freedom". I do not think it means what you think it means.
...kept Americans safe. That's a funny way to put it. Because, actually what he has done is go and kick a big ol' hole in the hornet nest with his cowboy boot. And our children will feel the effects of that. Think about how many 5 year old boys there are in Iraq who knew little about America and cared even less before George Bush started bombing their neighborhood and killed their family. But now those little boys will dedicate the rest of their lives to their vengeful hatred of America.
-I'm not kidding you, nearly every other person in the hall is wearing a cowboy hat. Seriously.
-Still no sign of a black person.
-There are signs everywhere that say "Country First". You know what would be really ironic? If during this very convention, the New York Times were to break a front page story revealing that the "Country First" Vice Presidential nominee was a former member of the Alaskan Independence Party, which aims to secede from the United States and possibly join Canada.
-Oh, there's a black guy! Wearing a cowboy hat.
-Here's W... Riotous applause goes on for fifteen seconds.
-"If the Hanoi Hilton couldn't break John McCain's will to do what is best for his country, you can be sure the angry left never will." Awesome. Extra points for the comparison of the Viet Cong to the Democratic Party.
-Cindy McCain loved that one. Her expression almost changed.
-W. talks about how John and Cindy McCain have so many kids, including an adopted one, and how McCain knows that "human life is fragile, that human life is precious, that human life (big smirk and cartoonish furrowing of the brows) MUST BE DEFENDED." Now, this is a fascinating statement for two reasons. First, of course, there's the mandatory pro-life declaration that has to be made every fifteen minutes during the convention (not to be confused with the obligatory detailed re-telling of John McCain's POW experience, which must occur every half hour). But it's also amusing that Bush references the adopted McCain baby, who is Bangladeshi. You might recall that George W. Bush's own campaign smeared John McCain in the 2000 primaries by referring to McCain's adopted daughter as his "illegitimate black child".
-I'm close to coming up with a sweet joke about Barbara Bush, Cindy McCain and their pearl necklaces.
-W. refers to his "tax relief" that he "knows John McCain will make permanent". Relief, as in "Thanks to McCain's tax relief, I was finally able to add a helicopter pad to my yacht."
-Oh shit! Reagan Tribute Video! Really?! Haven't they been doing these at every convention since '88? Says that Reagan put "country first" and was a "maverick" The phrase "Like Lincoln, Reagan..." is used.
-And now, ladies and gentleman, former Senator Fred Thompson. He's not a real leader, but he plays one on TV!
Goddamn, I love a good Cinnabon. But you know what blows? They're so inconvenient. Say you're driving your Hummer; you have to keep at least one hand on the wheel. You've got your iPhone (or venti Frappaccino with extra whip) in the other hand, so how do you hold a Cinnabon? You can't, son. It's too dangerous. But even if you could hold it, you don't want to get that sweet goo all over the Eddie Bauer upholstery. Which brings me to the next problem with the Cinnabon: That shit gets everywhere. On your kids, on the remote, on the American flag hanging in the rear window (and that's disrespectful). You see what I'm saying, here. The Cinnabon is not user-friendly. And even if it was, you can't bring outside food into Wal-Mart or Applebee's. Trust me. But Jesus was obviously working through the good people at Cinnabon when they came up with this genius creation here. Now you can enjoy Cinnabon-y awesomeness anytime you want it. And it helps fight the cravings during those tough hours between Cinnabons. I'll be honest, I bit myself a few times when I first started using it, because my lips just tasted so amazing, but you get over that. Best of all, the lip balm is sexy as hell. Guys are all about making out with a girl who tastes like frosting and the ladies get horny when a dude smells like a mall. What an innovation. My only complaint is that my lips are really chapped from licking them so much. 
Mike Fischer (who was 37 at the time) wore a tie and a beeper to work everyday. He had a conservative haircut and voted for Reagan. But, as you can clearly see, he also swung a whole lot of mustache. And below is newsman Harold Greene, the most respected local anchor in '70s San Diego (which is German for "a whale's vagina"):
It was a time of respect and honor for the mustache. But those days, I fear, are long gone. For proof, just look at recent photos of these two mustache Jedi masters:
Nooooooooo! Fucking 
