Goddamn, I love a good Cinnabon. But you know what blows? They're so inconvenient. Say you're driving your Hummer; you have to keep at least one hand on the wheel. You've got your iPhone (or venti Frappaccino with extra whip) in the other hand, so how do you hold a Cinnabon? You can't, son. It's too dangerous. But even if you could hold it, you don't want to get that sweet goo all over the Eddie Bauer upholstery. Which brings me to the next problem with the Cinnabon: That shit gets everywhere. On your kids, on the remote, on the American flag hanging in the rear window (and that's disrespectful). You see what I'm saying, here. The Cinnabon is not user-friendly. And even if it was, you can't bring outside food into Wal-Mart or Applebee's. Trust me. But Jesus was obviously working through the good people at Cinnabon when they came up with this genius creation here. Now you can enjoy Cinnabon-y awesomeness anytime you want it. And it helps fight the cravings during those tough hours between Cinnabons. I'll be honest, I bit myself a few times when I first started using it, because my lips just tasted so amazing, but you get over that. Best of all, the lip balm is sexy as hell. Guys are all about making out with a girl who tastes like frosting and the ladies get horny when a dude smells like a mall. What an innovation. My only complaint is that my lips are really chapped from licking them so much. Congratulations and thank you, Cinnabon. Keep thinking big. I can't wait for the mouthwash.
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